Gillian Stone – Amends

Artist said about this release:

“Amends” is a vocally-driven post-rock/drone-folk song that explores self-mercy and accountability after an era of Anger, the second stage of grief. It is a nod to what I’ve learned through years of therapy about the power of naming. It is a fearless moral inventory, an understanding of the effect on self and other, an odyssey through four and five of The Twelve Steps. My recovery journey has been riddled with shame that still lives in my bones. The final line of the song, “regret is a wily muse, but I’ll name it out loud”, is an attempt to exorcize this shame from my body. By acknowledging the ruins of my Anger, I am attempting to destroy the destroyer.

I co-produced “Amends” with experimental e-cellist and multi-instrumentalist Michael Peter Olsen (Zoon, The Hidden Cameras, Arcade Fire), who I worked with on my two previous singles, “Bridges” and “Shelf”. When we recorded “Amends” I was experimenting with fingerpicking while holding the whammy bar on my Stratocaster while simultaneously running it through tape delay. I wanted to keep the song in a warbled state that challenged tempered tuning. We played with vintage synth layers: an ARP 2600 drone, MOOG bass, Arp Odyssey and Yamaha TX81Z ascending lines. The song hovers above the ground until the drums, played by Spencer Cole (Weaves), come in over halfway through. “Amends” was constructed in layers and steps, building from a gentle confession to a chaotic declaration.

The video for “Amends” was directed by Toronto filmmaker John M. Hall and me, with photography by Hall and Toronto photographer Joel Gale. It is a movement piece that conveys my body in fragments, drawing from the concept of the Split Self in Internal Family Systems. It builds into a cathartic somatic experience as I dance to fuse myself back together.

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